Time for bed

It's almost midnight and I am still awake. Kind of a rare thing for me. Usually I sleep around 11ish. Lately I stay awake later, not sure why. I value sleep so much. I really need eight to nine hours a night. The past few nights I just haven't been sleepy. Well actually last night I took an antihistamine so I knocked out. I had a tummy ache and that's supposed to relax your stomach. Either that or I wanted a full night's sleep.

The point is I am awake at midnight.

I am watching the last episode of "The Tonight Show", well the last one at 11:35pm anyway
I watched Chelsea Lately but it was a rerun. I still laughed so I guess it's all the same
I have played about 75 games of Scramble on Facebook. Obsessed? yes.
I am thinking about cleaning my apartment in the morning. It could happen.
I am thinking I really need to start reading "The Hour I First Believed" that Vickie gave me for Christmas. Not tonight though.

Reflecting on the evening which included

Rodger fixing my computer
Eating a caprise sandwich, mmmmmmmmmmm cheeeeeeeeeeese
High Fiving Rodger after the Laker's win but feeling sorry for my cousin Matt who had tickets to game seven
watching old You Tube videos of Triumph the Insult Dog at a Star Wars convention, lots of laughing from Rodger and me
saying goodnight to Rodger

which has all led to me sitting here blogging because I can't sleep.

Should I take a Tylenol PM? Mix it up a little? I will be honest, right before you nod off there is a nice relaxed feeling that comes from taking those. Nowhere near as nice as the feeling of the drug they give you at the dentist when they are putting you under but a lot cheaper and lot less painful.

Am I still rambling.

I think its time to find her




and spoon.

Bad Girlfriend

I may or may not have told Rodger that I hoped the Lakers lose tonight so that these playoffs can be over soon. This is akin to kicking his dog. He loves the Lakers, so do I but not with the same fervor. I can explain though, this was all said in the heat of the moment. You see my computer keeps "forcing" me to download these "security" programs that apparently are viruses. This happened Saturday and Rodger fixed it. I didn't think it was too much to ask for him to drive over and fix my mess again. I don't get this technological stuff and truth be told it's making me really cranky. It would make you cranky too. Already while typing this post I have had to click out of the stupid WinAp program five times and don't even get me started on trying to play Scramble on Facebook. It really messes up my score when I constantly have to click out of these "warnings".

In all sincerity I absolutely do not want the Lakers to lose. I want them to beat Denver in this series and then win the finals. The Lakers haven't won a finals since Rodger and I have been together (I think, I am pretty sure) and I really would like to see what Rodger's face looks like when the Lakers win a championship. Can you dig it?

So, I apologize for my harsh words Rodger. But you still have to fix the computer for me asap (as well as any subsequent times that I mess it up).

Go Lakers!

I love you Odom!




P.S. I think my post brought the Lakers good luck, since I started typing this they have gained ten points on the Nuggets.

A "Super" Thursday Afternoon

I have today and tomorrow and Monday off, so five day weekend baby.

This afternoon I met Rodger for lunch in Pasadena by his work and we went to a Mediterranean place and ate Beef Kabobs. Very good. Gave me very bad breath. TMI? It was fun to meet him at lunch, we used to do that before when we were both in school, and then when I was working and Rodger was still in school, so it was nice to do it again.

Rodger works literally a block from Super Target (this would be a bad thing for me), he actually works by a lot of good stores. I think I am better off working next to a quarry and a Speedway. But I went to Target after lunch. They have SO many clothes at the Super Target including tons of clearance racks. What could be better than that?

I bought-

a couple of shirts from the clearance rack
a bathing suit (do I really need another one?) for $7
a gray t-shirt I saw Vickie wearing last weekend that I had to have
a pair of sweat shorts
a red rug runner for the apartment, I like it. I am looking forward to Rodger's reaction. We don't see eye to eye on the color red. I think it is a perfect way to bring color to a place. Him not so much
and chip clips. Rodger asks me all the time if I have any. I am pretty sure I already broke one.

After that I stopped by Mom's work to see her new office.

And then a nice afternoon of watching Nancy Grace and laying in bed.

It really was "super".

Kris or Adam?

It really is a toss up for me. I think they are both very talented. I liked Allison the best this season, but what do I know?

I enjoyed all of the songs that were sung tonight. But if I had to pick my favorite of the two I would have to choose Adam just based on the their performances, especially comparing the way they both sang the last song.

I really do love Adam though. I like the way he looks. I mean it's not that I am attracted to him it's just that he is aesthetically pleasing to the eyes. Guyliner and all. I could look at him all day long. The long black coat that he wore during his first performance tonight was a nice touch.

I am a fan of Kris also. I like the way he can just sing, doesn't need to jazz it up, he just sounds good. He seems humble, a trait which Adam may be lacking. I don't know, maybe not, Adam just seems a little cocky sometimes.

I will be honest though, during the show tonight I was most captivated by Paula. Not that this isn't always the case but tonight inparticular. What the hizzle was going on with her face? I wish I had a picture for those who didn't watch. She was just orange and her face looked a little more elongated than usual. It was something else. Picture a mix between Steven Tyler and a very tan Roberto Cavalli.

My pick is Adam not only because he is talented but if I don't say him then I will never hear the end of it from my mother. She loves him.

Friday Freedom

Friday evening. Two words that delight me to no end. Fridays are great in general, yes there is still work, but the anticipation of the weekend makes the day dizzy with exciting. But it's the evening, right after 5pm, that gets me going. I leave work with the feeling that the sky is the limit. Nothing can hold me back. The evenings Monday through Thursday I am restrained. Not Friday though.

All the possibilities of the weekend! All of the excitement of Friday night! The unplanned hours that you can do anything with. I love the feeling that there are so many possibilities yet I pretty much always have the possibilities outlined. Tonight I want them to include pizza, Pinkberry (oh the plain yogurt with Oreos and raspberries, oh the fact that Pinkberry is three blocks from my house). My evening must include going to the street fair. I can't resist walking around in the sun on this beautiful day. Sunny, beautiful days are the picture of freedom to me. They open my soul. I love to feel the sunshine soaking into my skin.

On Friday I love the hours between five and when I am too tired to keep my eyes open any longer. Those hours are so full of freedom.

"Stick your hand into my back pocket
Light me up like a bottle rocket
I just wanna free fall for a while"

Like Her

I want to be like her
I want to laugh like her
love like her
be the wife she is
have her compassion
her wit
her selflessness
her patience

more than anything I want, one day, to be the mother she is
if I can be the kind of the mother she is then I will have made it

She gives everything to her daughters, always has
I want to be like that
I want to have the bond she has with us
the bond that has us calling her every time something happens in our day, she's the first person I want to tell everything to, no one will care more than her
I want that connection with my children

The connection that has you texting each other about American Idol (and her great love for Adam), the Biggest Loser, country music, and anything and everything
The connection that allows me to know, the way she does, when something is wrong with my children and to know what to do to make it better, whether it be dinner, shopping, gin rummy, or a clean house

I want the strength she has
the one where when she found out she had cancer she was more worried about the way her family would feel than the way she felt
she was strong for us, which gave us the ability to be strong for her, although I needed more of her strength as we sat in the waiting room during her surgery. I need her then, everything is okay when she is there, I can survive anything with her there. But she did well, teaching us all so much
she should have been selfish then, it was her time, but still she called me from the hospital not ten hours after her surgery to make sure that I got home okay
that's the love and strength I hope to have as a mother one day

The advice, I hope to be able to give the advice she gives
"Men are different than women, they don't express their feelings the same way." I think she tells me this weekly, I need this reminder
And of course, the funny
"It's okay that you are sunburned, it looks like you have been somewhere"

I want to celebrate my children's milestones and accomplishments
to bring them flowers at school on their birthdays and cupcakes to their classrooms
to run and give them a hug after they do good at a swim meet

I want my children to know I love them the way I know my sister and I are loved by our mother
I want to tell them every morning when they are little, the way she did and still does, that they look pretty
I want to pick them up from school every day, help them with their homework, take them to swim practice, never miss a swim meet, when they are in high school I want to bring them Gatorade and a snack to their swim meets, and pick them up when the bus brings them back
I want to plan fun vacations with them and make them know that there is no place I would rather be
I want to spend everyday of Christmas break with them watching movies, shopping, and baking and tell them that I hate when they go back to school because I miss them

I want to teach them
the right way to treat people, to treat themselves
to love animals
how to make snickerdoodles
how to make Macaroni and Cheese with Spam
to celebrate
to open your heart
to let things go
that you can't change people
to love reading
to accept people
to respect others
to trust people
to honor traditions

When my children are older, I hope to be their best friend, like my mother is to us

I want to be like her, there would be no greater achievement.

Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you.

A refreshing evening

It was of those days, the kind that makes you feel like your soul needs to take a deep breath. Nothing wrong, nothing to complain about, the soul just needs a little jump start. I had one of those days for a couple of days actually. I think it is just being indoors all day at work. Sometimes you just need to be outside, take a moment, and just be. Hard to do that inside at work all day.

After I got home from work I decided I needed to do something to remedy the situation. It was time to get out and take a walk. Usually after work I like to relax, look online, eat, and watch tv. Not today though, today I just needed to be. I put on the Nikes, tied my hair back, and set out on a walk.

It was nice to be in the fresh air, to smell the flowers as the breeze blew their scent by. I was already relaxed.

Normally my mind is going, I encourage myself to critically think about everything. That's what I would like to believe anyway. Closer to the truth is that I am obsessive compulsive and I have to overthink and analyze everything until I drive even myself crazy. Most of the time doing this doesn't bother me, it's really an excersize in getting to know yourself better. But not today, my mind needed a respit. So the rule was think about as little as possible, just take in the surroundings and I did.

I made smiled when I saw the dogs and cats, enjoyed the breeze, limited as it was, and looked at the houses I passed. And of course, said hello to the passer-bys. Nothing replensihes my faith in humanity like the cordialness of a friendly stranger. Maybe this is the recipe for a good attitude about society. Instead of staying home and watching the six o'clock news and all of its ugliness get out for an evening stroll and observe humanity- good people who do good things. Am I stretching a friendly hello from a stranger too far?

Clearing my mind worked, it relaxed me, allowed me to enjoy the rest of my evening in a more calm, peaceful manner.


It was a good little walk, followed by a good little dinner with my parents who I met up with.

It was nice to get a breath of fresh air for me and for my soul. I will have to remember to do this more often and to focus less on the fact of having to be inside all day and more on taking advantage of my down time by getting out and seeing more and doing more. I will also have to remember to enjoy the beauty of the outdoors, inparticular my beautiful view out my bedroom and bathroom windows.

Fresh air, good for the heart, very good for the soul.

Maui Bound

We booked the plane tickets tonight. Come the first week of September Rodger and I will be in Maui getting tan, swimming, snorkeling, relaxing, beaching, etc, etc.

(Why isn't whale watching on the list you ask. Well apparently it's not whale watching season in September, whatever I mean how often do I get to Hawaii? Can't two big whales jump out of the water and spin around in sync for me? Maybe it will happen?)

We are so excited! Can not wait! But it's kind of exciting to plan it far in advance so we can anticipate it. I have actually been anticipating it for a couple of months now, even buying new bathing suits, kind of like "buy the bathing suits, the trip will come".

SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it weird that I have already been making mental lists of things to buy and pack for Maui? Am I turning into my sister? If I start doing dry runs of packing my suitcase I will have officially become my sister. Not a bad thing.

I am off to practice my hula!

A Hiking We Will Go