As I was driving home from work this evening I was listening to "We Run" by Sugarland, a song that always reminds me of Rodger. It dawned on me then that I have known Rodger for ten years.
I first met him the second week of October in 2004. I had just started a new job and it was my second day there. I don't remember talking to him much until after I had worked there for a few days. He was kind and I remember really liking his hair. And we became friends and then we dated. I don't remember all of the details and I know there were times around then that we weren't on the best of terms. But mostly I remember him being kind and bringing me apple pies from McDonalds, and him texting me, and then me realizing that I really liked him.
And all of that seems so long ago. And it was, I guess.
And it seems like another life, we were so young. But we cared for each other so much and so fast. And it was easy. I never questioned it.
Ten years. I was 22 and he was 19. Although it was towards the end of those years for us but nonetheless we were babies. You never think about yourself ten years from when you meet someone or maybe you do. But you don't think about the day in and day out. And how much life you will live in ten years.
It's been a good ten years. I think of all the laughter, not so much the details, but the laughter.
So much of life happens and you sometimes trudge through it. And you realize one day as you are driving home from work that you hope you have given your best self over the last decade. And you know you haven't but you keep trying. You hope that all of your baggage hasn't warn too much on the other person and that you are still those people that met ten years ago. Those people where everything felt easy and carefree. And you think about how tremendous it is that you have built this love so that even though things may not be going exactly as you thought they would you still feel fortunate that you get to come home to each other. You get to come home to the person that has seen you cry even when you can't explain why, the person who picks you up and dusts you off, and tells you "everything is fine".
And we are lucky to have each other. I am lucky to get to spend these decades with my Rodger.
I am lucky to have his laugh,
his happy disposition
and we are lucky to have built a life together.