Suddenly I See

Monday, May 26, 2014

These are the days

I caught myself being nostalgic this morning (again). I was telling Rodger how every Memorial Day weekend when I was little my family used to go to watch a baseball tournament at a local park and that I was always bored but looking back on it the whole idea seems so nice because life was so simple (for me anyway). And this is such an illustration of my way of thinking. I don't look at the current moment and always look back with rose colored glasses on a past event. 

But this moment, this one right here is the one that matters. Because you know what? This Memorial Day weekend was really nice too. We bought a new bed, I spent great quality time with my husband, I laughed until I cried watching "Veep", we went to Disneyland. We got to spend the morning with Vickie, Paul, and Olivia. And this afternoon we used the slip n slide and played with Kona in the backyard.

And these are beautiful moments. And tomorrow when I am at work I will be thinking back about them, and how much fun I had. How I love laying in the sun and just looking at Rodger and Kona and appreciating how simple things are, because they are simple. 

It's good for me to take stock of what makes me happy. And memories make me so happy- but I get stuck in them. And I get stuck in the future, if that makes sense. I get worried about what the future will hold or not hold. But the truth of the matter, the simple truth of it all is it doesn't matter. All that can truly matter is now. Right now. And tomorrow, well tomorrow will matter tomorrow. I just have to remind myself that to live now is what is truly important and to live tomorrow, tomorrow is what will matter then.

I am somebody that enjoys my every day life. I am not out in search of the next big adventure. The truth is that I like a schedule and I like things staying the same. And even if it is boring- my heart soars when my husband, my dog, and I are laying in bed together (and Sushi is nearby sleeping). It makes me happy. And my family makes me happy.

 But I also need something to do- too much downtime gets me, well, down. And it's then that my mind starts wandering- to the past and to the future. I have to train myself to keep my head here- in this moment. To do anything else is to cheat myself (and others) out of the beautiful present.

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