Suddenly I See

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Before Vickie announced to my Mom and I that she was pregnant I had a bit of an idea that she might be but, of course, never said anything to her about it. Not really because I didn't want to pressure her but more because I felt like if I said the words out loud the whole thing would break. I was afraid it wouldn't be true. I just wanted to hope that it was. It was fun to have the excitement of the possibility and I didn't want to ruin that even if she really wasn't pregnant.

The possibility of Vickie having a baby turned into the definite fact that Vickie was having a baby. Given my battle with OCD I was so nervous throughout the remaining time of her first trimester. There was so much at stake that I thought about how excited I was but I didn't let it fully encompass me. On Thanksgiving when she told everyone there were tears and smiles and mostly just so much happiness about the little baby to come. My Aunt Peggy said a blessing before the dinner and she said prayed for Vickie's healthy pregnancy and for a healthy baby. And my favorite part, "Lord, it doesn't matter boy or girl, just make the baby healthy and strong". I remember thinking, "I am sure it's a boy". (Even though the Chinese calendar said girl).

It's funny though because Peggy made it be known that it was a girl. When my Mom told her that Vickie and Paul were considering Oliver as a name for a boy my Aunt immediately said "Olivia". A girl was definitely on the agenda. But I kept thinking, "I bet it's a boy".

Then February came and Vickie found out that her and Paul were going to have a girl. A girl!

Of course, a girl, Vickie's baby had to be a girl. It makes sense. There are so many strong women with waiting, open arms to love her and to show her how to be a strong woman.

We need another girl. Someone to teach us that at the end of every night there is morning and after gray skies the blue ones always come again. A daughter for my strong, straight-forward sister to love and teach. A granddaughter for my Mom to share her wisdom and unconditional love with. A niece for me to spoil and play with, and take to Disneyland, and dance with.

Has a girl ever been so loved? A girl we have yet to meet but who is already a part of such a strong loving sisterhood. May she always know that woman should do nothing but build each other up and catch each other when they fall. That's what we did. And she almost seems like a present or reward because we did a good job. As if God is saying "you are all trusted to show this child the way to be a good woman".

Such a sweet reward and such an answer to prayers.

July can't come soon enough.


Pam said...

This was beautiful. We will teach her to be strong, to love unconditionally, and to see the positive of everything. You, however, should be the one to teach her to dance. Well, you and maybe Uncle Vince.

Jenn said...

You made me cry here. So then I had to think of something to make me laugh. Enjoy this quote from my favorite Kardashian, Khloe: "All I want to do is dip my niece in glitter and put a tutu on her."

Katie said...

Love it. I have been thinking I want two toned hair like khloe. I like the bottom have lighter than the top half. Thoughts?

vickie said...

This had me in tears. When I think of the things that I want to impart on Olivia I get overwhelmed by the amount of things that need to be done and said. But then I remember that she will have all these amazing women to show her everything that the world has to offer is so many very different ways. I am lucky to have you in my life and Olivia is even luckier, since I had to wait for two years for you to arrive and she will not have to even wait a day!